Life Lately: Living My Life in Warm Yellows.
Tears. Sadness.
The new year arrived, and with it came a wave of emotions I wasn’t prepared for. Of all the feelings that consumed me, sadness was the most overwhelming. It clung to me, I hated waking up to face the day because anxiety became my unwelcomed companion, sitting at the edge of my bed, waiting for my eyes to open so it can embrace me.
Then one day, I broke. I cried so much, that I knew I had let all the tears fall because what I felt after was relief. Relief from the shackles of worry, anxiety, and fear over things I have no control over. As I write this now, I remind myself that those were the last tears of sadness I ever needed to shed. From now on, these eyes will only cry tears of joy.
In January, I quit my job not caring that I would be jobless after the one-month notice I gave my employer expires. I just knew I had to leave. I had felt stuck for too long, and the sadness I had been drowning in only reinforced what I already knew — it was time to move on. So, in one sitting, I drafted my resignation letter and sent it out. Just like that, I set myself free.
Green light. Go. Envy. 💚
I had kickstarted the new month in a positive light, starting my blog and all, unsure of what might be. I was wrong about being unsure, my uncertainty brought me clarity. One that I have never felt before. I finally knew what I wanted and what I didn’t want. My partner, ever my biggest supporter, paid for a course I wanted. I also started writing more, and I started to feel like myself again. I had the green light and I utilized it all. There is still more to come, and this post is one of the things my new perspective has birthed.
Remember I started my blog? Yeah, I decided I wasn’t going to do that anymore. When I got the resolve I felt that I needed to see it through, quitting a blog only a week after launching it — no. After all the months of planning and executing, I wanted to see it through, to make something out of it. But I discovered that there is no need to wake up something dead on arrival. So I left it. I am going to move all my articles to medium and act like I never launched a blog of my own. I tried, not that I failed, it just wasn’t the right move, and I acknowledge that gracefully.
I had this momentum in me and feeling that I was making the right decisions and playing the right cards in my life and let me give you a good spoiler — it’s going well.
Quitting what doesn’t serve you is not the end of the world. Take it from me, I used to hate quitting. Quitting makes me feel like I have failed, and that’s why I am running. So I keep on watering things that don’t have any plans to grow. This year, I am taking chances, I am choosing to walk away from what doesn’t serve me, without guilt, without hesitation. I am giving myself permission to start fresh, as many times as I need to.
Love this tweet:
I have always seen people who easily share the little things happening in their lives “like sharing what brand of coffee they like, what made them happy during the day, why they love the sound of the rain” in a happy way as doing too much over little things. Hey, hey, I am not a hater. I just envy them. I envy the genuine way they share things or events that happen in their life in a carefree and happy way, it’s subtle, but to me, it’s profound. I find it hard to do, I have tweets sitting on my drafts, why? Because I can’t post them, I would cringe after.
Now, I am learning to do the same. I want to document my life without hesitation, to talk about love, food, work, friendships, and everything in between. I want to embrace the carefree version of me that I have been suppressing for too long. Because at the end of the day, the fear of judgment is just that — fear. And I refuse to let it hold me back anymore.
I need this version of me like I need air.
Love is Friendship.
Speaking of things I no longer fear — love. I am in love. Deep, consuming, childlike love. The kind that makes life feel lighter, that turns ordinary moments into something magical. And the best part? I am in love with my best friend. The one who makes the best pasta, tells the funniest jokes, and always, always puts my happiness first. Love, real love, makes everything else in life feel a little easier.
And I like this for me. I know that in all of life’s struggles, I have found my safe place, my person. Just when I think I have seen the best of what our love has to offer, it unfolds into something even more beautiful. And I can’t wait to see where it takes us next.
Starting All Over. Career Wise.
I have never stopped working since I was 17. I have always done something, no matter how small. And in all of this, I have not had a moment of pause to genuinely sit down and ask myself… what do you want to do? Deep within me, I knew what I wanted to do, I was just afraid.
I want to write. To speak. To let my words be heard.
I love to write, yet it feels as if I have been mute all my life. That’s ending now though. Even as I type these words, there’s a voice inside me trying to convince me to stop, to hold back. But if you are reading this, then I won.
The good news is, life has given me the privilege to do, so I am going to use privilege. I am stepping into who I am meant to be. I will write, regardless of fear. I will share, regardless of doubt. I will show up for myself, every single day.
And as if the universe was waiting for me to take this step, within a week of making this decision, I landed a new job — one that pays three times more than my last. A former client reached out, offering me another opportunity. Life, in its unpredictable way, has affirmed my choices. My partner would say, “I told you so.” He did. And I am finally listening.
I am living my life in warm yellows now — hopeful, bright, and full of promises. 💛💛
If you’ve read this far, thank you. Truly.
Kindly follow me on Instagram.
Until next time. Love ❤️
