Notes From July
I thought turning 26 would come with a kind of instant clarity. You know, that feeling like the uncertainty will disappear and suddenly, everything would start to make sense. But what I have realized is, I am still in the process.
The first few weeks of the month felt like a wave I was ready to ride. I was comfortable. Hopeful. There was a quiet fire in me to start doing more, showing up more, pushing beyond what I was used to. And I did. But along the way, I also took it hard on myself.
I wanted change to be immediate. I wanted to figure everything out now. Make quick decisions, tick boxes, speed toward the life I see for myself. I mean, who doesn’t want that? But that’s not how it works, not really. Life isn’t that linear. Growth isn’t clean. Some days will feel like wins. Others will come with doubts. I’ll be focused, then I’ll be lazy. I’ll question everything, then find clarity in a random sentence in a book. That’s the process.
But still, amidst the ups and downs, this July gave me my best birthday yet.
The kind where I didn’t cry, or overthink, or make bitter, half-assed plans just so I wouldn’t feel left out of the “birthday celebration” thing. I did it exactly how I wanted. Simple. Happy. Me. Even though I almost missed picking up my cake before the store closed and the day almost ended badly but it didn’t. Somehow, that moment just added to the story.
Another thing I am learning is how to put myself out there more —especially when it comes to what I do for work. Being a project manager means a lot of what I do lives behind the scenes. I can’t always share details or bring people into the day-to-day without crossing boundaries. But I have been experimenting with how to show up without compromising what needs to stay private.
I also spontaneously deleted my LinkedIn this month. No regrets. It just didn’t feel right anymore. Maybe I’ll come back when it feels more aligned, but for now, I am okay without it.
Something else that’s brought me joy: reading. I have been reading more lately, journaling more, sitting with the words. It’s been unexpectedly grounding. Sometimes I wish I had someone to unpack the books with, someone who gets it. But for now, writing about them helps me with that experience.
I also watched a lot of movies this month, I ate a lot more food than I can remember, joy actually exists in food. I found my joy in cooking again because I lost it for a while, I guess I was just tired.
And can we talk about weight loss for a second? I didn’t expect it to bring me this much joy. There was a time all I wanted to do was gain weight, look at me now. I only exercised for about two weeks this month, but I already feel lighter. It’s a small win, but I am celebrating it.
I am here, still figuring things out, still learning, still doing.
I am hoping August comes in with more peace, more ease, and more clarity. But even if it doesn’t, I’ll keep going. Because that’s the beautiful, frustrating, incredible thing about being in the process.
How did your July go? You don’t have to tell me, write down all the things that brought you joy, those are the things that deserve more of you.
Until next time, please feel free to clap 50 times on this post. Bye.
