Random moments of grief.

Grief is random, but it’s also relentless. We may never get over it, and perhaps we don’t want to.

When grief comes knocking, you have only one choice — make room for it. That’s what I love and hate about grief, I love it because it reminds me of my loss, my pain, that I will never get over it and I never want to. I hate it for the same reason I love it, I just hate the mess I make when I grief. Grief is both comfort and a curse.

Grief is so random, it can come when you are in the shower getting ready to go out and celebrate something wonderful and then you remember who is not going to be there to celebrate with you. And then you grief in the shower.

Grief is so random, it can come when you are cooking, you realize that the person who thought you how to make the meal the way you know how to is gone.

Grief is so random, the weather reminds you of it, a sunny day, a cold breeze, the season reminds you of moments with a loved one that you are never going to spend the day with ever again.

It can come on your lightest day and make it heavy. It can break you even on your strongest days, oh grief is so powerful.

Grief is so random, you hear a voice and you think it’s theirs, a cruel trick of the mind that brings hope for a fleeting second, only to crash back into the harsh reality.

Grief is so random, it appears from the deepest part of you, a part you didn’t know existed, the dark, cold, and isolating parts — parts that only exists when grief comes knocking.

Grief is so random, it comes to you when you are in the midst of a thousand people, sits with you, cry with you, is silent with you, and no one would know you had a company. You can be seated in the midst of laughter and joy, and feel sad and lonely because grief has made you it’s companion in that moment.

Grief is so random, a word reminds you of your loss, a tone, a song, a quote, a tv show, a joke, and your whole world crashes.

On your strongest days, when you feel like you have finally found some footing, grief can blindside you, shattering the strength you thought you had. It’s a force that doesn’t care about your plans or your progress; it just shows up, unapologetically.

Grief is so random, and on these random days, nothing else matters, the world is irrelevant to you. You just want to sit with your grief and forget about life for a while.

Grief has no specific color or form — it is not always dark and heavy, sometimes it comes with tears or laughter, lightweight or heavyweight, it can bring pain but also relief, grief comes in different forms. Grief can be a smile or a sigh.

And on the days when grief is absent, you can call on it and it will answer you like an old friend, embrace you and stay with you until you are ready to let go again.

I hope that you find comfort in your grief.

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Love, xoxo.