Life Lately: Moments of Uncertainty.
Life Lately is a series where I explore different phases of my life, capturing the raw and honest emotions that come with them. The last time I wrote for this series, I talked about adulting, but it has been a while since I wrote. Not because nothing is happening in my life, but because life has been overwhelming, leaving little room for processing or reflecting on my experiences.
Recently, I had a moment, a rare pause in the chaos where I found myself contemplating the frequent phases of uncertainty that seem to define this phase of my life. I kept asking myself, “Is this uncertainty a sign that I’m on the wrong path?” Or perhaps I am just doubting myself because the expectations I have set up for myself are playing tricks on me. The constant second-guessing, the nagging feeling that I am not doing enough or doing it right — it’s exhausting.
Then, there’s the possibility that I need to breathe. Maybe life has become so overwhelming that I need to take a step back, inhale deeply, and allow myself a moment of calm. But even as I entertain this thought, I wonder if people who seem to have it all figured out also experience these unending moments of uncertainty. Do they question their choices, decisions, and actions as I do? Or is it just me, trapped in a cycle of overthinking and self-doubt?
What’s even crazier is when people around you think you have got it all together. They see a version of you that appears confident, composed, and in control, while in truth, you’re just trying to keep your head above water, barely aware of what you are doing or where you’re headed. It’s a disorienting feeling, this disconnect between how others perceive you and how you perceive yourself.
A friend recently prayed for me, and her words have lingered in my mind. It was a beautiful prayer, filled with hope and good intentions, yet I can’t help but overanalyze it. Did she mean it the way I think she did? Do I even want what she prayed for? If it happens, will it truly make me happy, or am I just overthinking it, as I tend to do with everything else?
Even as I write this, I can sense the uncertainty in my own words. This is the best thing I have done ever since I started to feel this way — reflecting the muddled thoughts and emotions in my mind. I have never needed clarity more than I do right now, but there’s a part of me that’s terrified of what that clarity might reveal. What if, in seeking clarity, I uncover truths that I am not ready to face or lose the things I hold dear? And if I do find clarity, will I have the courage to act on it, to make the necessary changes in my life?
I admit, there’s a certain laziness in my approach to finding clarity. I know I need it, but the effort it requires feels daunting. And even in this, I am uncertain — uncertain about whether I have the strength to pursue clarity, uncertain about what I might find if I do.
Have you ever had moments of uncertainty like this? How did you find your way through them? What did you do to gain clarity? I would love to hear and learn from your experiences, your advice, and your stories. We can find a little more clarity together — maybe
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love xoxo.
